The Disney Dating Game
by YoYoJo
Summary: Yah man! Read this because...um...I wrote it, and I like to think it's funny! I put suspense only becasue I know you are dying to read it!


Yay!!!!!! A Disney fic, which you will hopefully find funny. . . or at least understand! I'm just talking up here to tell ya'll that I don't own like. . . all but one of the characters, and I also don't own some of the quotes. I actually did come up with some of this though, honest! I did! Enjoy, hopefully!  
  
~Serena ^.~  
  
  
  
Genie: Hello all, and welcome to another addition of: THAT'S MY DISNEY DATE!!!!! Today we have a whole slew of great contestants for you, and all princes nonetheless. I'll be your host for this evening. Who am I? I'm the ever impressive, often contained, but never (starts multiplying) duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated. . . GENIE OF THE LAAAAAAAMP!!!!!!!! Right here direct from the lamp, right here for your enjoyment. Now let's get this show started! The first strapping young contestant on our show is the flute playing wonder boy. . . PRINCE ERIC!!!!!!!  
  
Eric: I lost her once, I'm not going to lose her again!!!  
  
Genie: That's great, kid. If you think you already know your girl's here today. . . well, unless your psychic. . . good luck. Anyhoo, our next contestant is never boring, and hey, if you hate one of his personalities, you'll love his other furry side! And no! I'm not talking about him changing into any kind of monster or anything. . . eh heh. . . Let's meet. . . THE BEAST!!!!!!  
  
Beast: (Changes into a giant creature filled with rage.) YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME BEING A BEAST?! MONSTER, EH? I'LL SO YOU A MONSTER!!!!!!! (Begins to smash his podium.)  
  
Genie: (Flashes out a picture of Belle.) Whooooooa! Down boy! Heel! ( Beast sits, and starts begging up to the picture like a dog.) Good boy. And now lets meet our last young prince. Here we have. . . (Begins to sing.) PRINCE ALI, FABULOUS HE, ALI ABABWA! (Stops singing and glances at all the starring faces.) Ahem. . . I mean Prince Ali.  
  
Aladdin: Jasmine, I'm sorry I lied to you about being a prince.  
  
Genie: You lied to me?! You LIED to me?! And as I said, I'm the GENIE OF THE LAMP!!!! Not Jasmine, boy! Get your eyes fixed.  
  
Aladdin: Fine. I, Aladdin, wish for fixed eyes.  
  
Genie: Hey now, kid. You made all your wishes. One: You become a prince. Two: I save you from drowning Three: I become free. . . wait a minute. I am free! I'm no longer a GENIE OF THE LAMP!!!! Okay why don't ya'll just call me Genie. And another thing, why in the world didn't I know that you were Aladdin? I'm the one who made you the prince to begin with.wow, duh! Anyway, should I call you Al, or maybe just Din, or how bout LADDI?! Sounds like: "Here boy! C'mon Laddi!" Well let's just meet the girls. The legs you see under the, not quite large enough, flying carpet belong to our three lovely female contestants.  
  
Eric: DAMN! No fins! I will find her!!!  
  
Genie: Easy there. Well let's meet our first gal! Contestant number one, enjoys living by the sea, long walks on the beach, and singing. Hey girl! What have you got to say to these fine fellows?  
  
Contestant #1: (Singing) Aaaaah Aaaaah Ah, Aaaaaah Aaaah Aaaaah Ah, Aaaaa AAAAAAAAH!  
  
Genie: Um, dear, we aren't at the dentist, but nice voice. Sounds like some redhead's I once knew.  
  
Eric: It's you! You're the one!!!!  
  
Genie: SETTLE DOWN! We haven't even started! Next up we have. . . wait a minute. . . (Singing. Yes, there is more singing in this fic, get over it.) Who's that girl, what's her name, is she cool, is she lame?  
  
All guys: Oh, you're talking about what's her name!  
  
Genie: PEPPERANN. . . d salt. . . are uh. . . really nice on your food. . . it's a total mystery girl. . . not Pepperann or anything. So, random person I know nothing about, why don't you say hello to these fine gents.  
  
Contestant #2: I don't know what I should do. I mean I should be doing my homework, not appearing on some dating game. (The answer comes from herself as well.) Hey, relax! This is fun, and just think how jealous you'll make Craig!!!  
  
Genie: Um. . . hello? We are out here, this is not a game to date yourself, or your reflection on the shiny floor for that matter.  
  
Contestant #2: Oh right. . . HI EVERYBODY!!!! (Other self talking again.) Well that was lame. Try not to be a loser!  
  
Genie: Right. Okay then. Our last contestant today comes from a more rural area. . .  
  
Beast: (Happiness brings him back down to human form.) I SEE PAWS!!!! I SEE PAWS!!!! Oh it's a MIRACLE!!!!  
  
Genie: Paws. . . um no lion paws here! Yo, rug man, cover that with some tassel!  
  
Contestant #3: No, no, it's okay Genie, I'll just come out and say it. I'm a. . . FEMINIST! I just don't think it's fair that woman are expected to shave when men aren't! Yah, That's it. Got a problem with that and I'll pin ya, then I'll pin ya again.  
  
Genie: Well looks like we've got some live ones here! Of course they're live. I doubt we'd put some corpses up there, anyway. Well folks, let's get this ball rolling!!!! It's time to play THAT'S MY DISNEY DATE!!!!!!!  
  
(Audience is silent, except for Mulan's cricket chirping.)  
  
Genie: Ahem, Let's try this again. (Changes into giant scary Jafar genie.) And let's have a little more feeling! It's time to play THAT'S MY DISNEY DATE!!!!!  
  
(Audience applauds and howlers out of fear.)  
  
Genie: Okay, Eric, why don't you ask one of these supposedly lovely ladies a question.  
  
Eric: Contestant #2, I feel kind of bad, I don't even know your name. . .  
  
Genie: No sir, names are not allowed yet. And her name is DEFINITELY not Pepperann, like we cleared up earlier.  
  
Eric: Well, maybe I can guess it. How about Agnus. (Silence.) No? Well then how about, Mildred? Probably not. . . Oh! Is it Gertrude?  
  
Contestant #2: (Talking to herself again.) Ewww. . . For one, there is a million names to choose from, he has a rare chance of guessing seems how he hasn't even gotten a clue. And for two, UGH those are some gross names!  
  
(A small crab yells out from the audience.)  
  
Crab: PEPPERANN!!! HER NAME IS PEPPERANN!!! Moron.  
  
Eric: (Ponders. Don't ask me why he would need to ponder about something like this. He's just stupid I guess.) Pepperann. . .  
  
Genie: AND you are out of time. Let's move on to the beastly one.  
  
Beast: Number three, are those really paws?! Perhaps, could you be Belle with something there that wasn't there before?!!!  
  
Contestant #3: No, I'm sorry, I'm not Belle. What is your thing with paws, anyway? You're not another one of those ugly monsters with wilted flowers, are you? Or are you. . . SIMBA?!  
  
Beast: (Growing back into a beast.) UGLY MONSTER?!!!!!!!! WILTED. . . WILTED flower?!!!!! That's it!!!! You will die Miss Feminist!!!!!!  
  
Genie: Easy there! No killing! Remember, I can't bring people back from the dead!  
  
Beast: WELL WHOEVER SAID I WANTED HER TO COME BACK?!!!!!! (Slowly calms himself to human formagain after looking back at his Belle picture the genie gave him.)  
  
Contestant #3: It must be Simba after the paw deal. . . why won't he be the king I know he is, the kind I see inside?!  
  
Genie: Wow, okay why don't we just move on to, the only non-prince here, Aladdin.  
  
Aladdin: (Pulls out Abu from under his vest.) Contestant #1, does my monkey look like a sultan to you?  
  
Contestant #1: (Just continues to sing Ariel's song.)  
  
Aladdin: Wow you're nuttier than Jasmine could be when I met her. (Talks to Abu) Sadly she's a little crazy. (Both him and Abu twirl fingers around ears.)  
  
Genie: Uh huh. . . and you're the one talking to a monkey. Okay now we are going to take a short intermission, while Nala. . . I mean the secret contestant #3 entertains us with song.  
  
Contestant #3: (Starts to sing.) Can you feel the love tonight? (And blah, blah, blah, you should know how the song goes if you care enough to read a Disney fanfic. The song finishes.)  
  
Eric: (Eyes become glazed over.) It's YOU! YOU'RE the one!  
  
Genie: Is it just me, or does this boy have a singing fetish? Well, I guess we should get to the picking. . . wouldn't want this thing to get any crazier. Why don't we start with Eric over there.  
  
Eric: I choose three! She's the one!!!!!!  
  
Genie: Okay, Contestant #3 is a saucy lady that lives in Africa! She enjoys singing, ruff-housing, and hunting for food! I wouldn't get in a brawl with this girl though, 'cause boy, she'll pin ya!  
  
Contestant #3: And don't forget I'll pin ya again!  
  
Genie: Let's meet our girl, who just so happens to be a lion, Nala!  
  
(Nala steps out from the rugman. Surprisingly Eric doesn't care that she's a lion. Well wait. . . he did go for a fish woman before.)  
  
Eric: Um hey! Person with the parentheses! She was a MERMAID!!!!!!!  
  
(This is when the lovely and talented writer, with the power of the stage directions, narration, and parentheses rolls her eyes at weird fetish boy's loseristic behavior. Then she realizes that she did write him with such moronicness so it's really her own fault.)  
  
(Oh yah! And, when Nala was nearing towards her prince, a pair of legs from behind the rug morphed into a heap of tentacles as the evil sea witch ripped her way out of her shielding and lurched towards Eric. At the same time a little singing bubble floated towards some random mute dame in the audience. Just incase you wanted and update on what happened while I was ranting.)  
  
Random chick: YES!!! Good bye Disney, hello Broadway!!!  
  
Ursula: NO!!!!!! My spell didn't work?! You picked the lion?! I'll show you!!!! (whips out triton. . . Hey! Where'd you get that triton?! It's not yours!!!) Um. . . internet? (Oh. Okay!)  
  
Beast: WHOA!!! WHAT A BABE!!! (Works hard to become a beast again, but can't because he's so happy.) Yo! Blue guy! Will you do me a favor and piss me off again?! I would really like to be a beast to impress this hot chick!  
  
Genie: But. . . but. . . it's her fault my best friend was ripped. . . my poor little rugman. . . (Right about then that same lovely all-powerful chick reminds the genie he has the power to revive his friend. . . which just so happens to be. . . a carpet. A boy with a monkey, a genie with a rug, and a girl that talks to her reflection. . . how nice.) Oh yah!!!! Powers!!!! I'm a friend who can go POOF! Well lookie here! (Fixes rug.) And you are looking especially hideous today beast.  
  
Beast: WHAT?!!!! (Grows into the beast once again.) ALRIGHT! Thanks! Hey octiwoman! Check me out! Why don't you come over here and see me sometime?!  
  
Ursula: Not bad! (Goes over and gives the beast a big sloppy kiss, which makes him happy and changes him back to his human form again.)  
  
Beast: DRAT!!!  
  
Ursula: You suck! (This comment makes beast angry again so they continue their kiss fiasco. Of course the whole situation continues like that for awhile, after which they leave together.)  
  
Genie: Well. . . anyway. . . why don't we get back to Eric and Nala, where we left off.  
  
(In the background we see the lion devouring her prey, which was supposed to be her date. What is this world coming to? What is DISNEY coming to? Oh wait. . . Disney didn't write this part. . . just me. . . teehee. . . )  
  
Genie: Well I guess that leaves Pepperann and Aladdin. Interesting.  
  
Pepperann: Are you okay with this? I mean. . . I'll probably talk to my reflection more than you. (Reflection on floor starts talking again.) Hello! Of course he's okay with it! He talks to a MONKEY for gosh sake!  
  
Aladdin: His name is ABU! And he happens to be very articulate, I'll have you know! But I would love to date you as long as you tame your other little you. I must be drawn to your skirt with olive looking things on it. (Inches closer to kiss her, and places hand in her hair, lost in the moment. Coincidentally her ponytail holder comes out unleashing a mountain of crazy hair, enveloping Aladdin's head.)  
  
Aladdin: AHHHHH!!!! I CAN'T BREATH!!! (His voice is, of course, muffled by the mass of hair.)  
  
Pepperann: (Suddenly becoming googoo eyed at a guy with braces in the audience.) What was that?! You say you don't want to date me because you think you're out of my league and think I deserve some guy with a name like. . . oh say. . . Craig?! (Reflection answers.) That's definitely what he said!!!! (Pepperann pulls Aladdin, who has become as blue as the Genie, and reponytails hair before bolting towards the Craig guy. Aladdin then passes out and collapses to the floor.)  
  
Genie: (Talking towards the same wonderfully omnipotent girl mentioned before.) Well I guess it's just you and me, sugar.  
  
(Oh! He's talking to me! What do you know?! Does this mean I get my own name an colon before I talk. . . and I actually GET to talk too?)  
  
Genie: That's what it means, baby. What do you say I grant some of your wishes?  
  
(Ooo. . . kinky. . . I mean. . . )  
  
Serena the Great: Oooo. . . kinky! (Thinks the whole talking thing is excellent!) Will you change yourself into someone like Hugh Jackman?!  
  
Genie: Anything for you, honey.  
  
Serena the Great: YAY!!!!!!!! Let's roll!!!!  
  
(And that concluded the twisted Disney tale of a look into inter-movie dating! Which is bad. . . very bad. . . Unless you end up with a magical genie that can do whatever you want and be whoever you want him to be! Woohoo to endings like that!!!!) 


End file.
